Affirmations, Health and Wellbeing, Self love

Three questions to ask yourself feeling anxious.

Three questions to ask yourself when you are feeling anxious.

Feeling anxious is normal! Especially when you are about to do something new or different. 

Allowing that anxiety to stop you from doing doing things, however, is not good. It restricts your lifestyle and you lose out on opportunities.

So if you are feeling anxious about going somewhere new or different here are three questions to help you deal with that anxiety and a real life example of how they help me!

The first question I ask is  What am I really scared of?

When I ask myself this question the answer invariably comes back that I am scared of getting lost. I don’t like being in “strange” places where I don’t know anyone or don’t recognise landmarks. I also hate being late, so getting lost adds to the stress of getting places at the time I agreed.

So having established that I then ask the second question  What are the chances of this happening?

Well it’s me and I don’t have a very good sense of direction and maps continue to be a complete mystery to me so there is a 95% chance that I will get lost!

This is where the third question come into its own. Can I plan for that or make a different choice?

I could choose not to go but that would lead to a pretty miserable life I chose to never go anywhere new. So I plan my route beforehand, I look on Google maps street view and identify landmarks to help me. If I am using public transport I plan and alternative route in case of delays or cancellations. I also let my son know where I am going as he has an excellent sense of direction and if I do inevitably end up getting lost I can call him and he can look at Google maps and tell me exactly where I need to go. If he is not available I just take a few deep breaths and step into knowing that I won’t be lost forever. I also know that I can ask others for help too.

Recognising the fear of getting lost  and knowing that it is likely to happen has in some way taken a lot the anxiety away from it. It’s not as if I plan to get lost but when I do it’s not as much of an issue because I am aware that it might happen and I build in time to my plans so that I’m not late even if I do get lost.

If you are struggling with anxiety on a regular basis I have a free audio of affirmations to help you. You can grab them here.

 

Health and Wellbeing, Self care, Self love

Do you show up how you want to in life?

Do you show up in life the way you want to?

Do you show up for your business, your family, your life in the way you want? Greet each new day, client, outing with excitement?

Or do you feel you’re just going through the motions? Wading through a to do list that just keeps getting longer? That you stop even for a moment everything will fall apart?

If everything feels heavy and that you never seem to catch your breath it’s because you don’t have a good self care routine.

Good self care is like gardening, you wouldn’t plant seeds or bulbs and then just leave them to it, they need the correct amount of sunlight, watering, possibly thinning out once the seedling emerge.

It’s time to treat yourself the same way. Give yourself what you need and watch yourself flourish and blossom.

So, you think you don’t have time or maybe you don’t know what self care looks like for you anymore? Then you need The Self Care Revolution!

 

 

 

 

Health and Wellbeing, Self care, Self love

Good self care gives you a voice

Good self care gives you a voice!

Good self care gives you a voice. 

It gives you permission and the confidence to stand up for your own needs.

A good self care routine provides a solid base from which to voice those needs and create and keep clear boundaries around it.

When you have  a greater understanding of what you need to feel good you are less likely to allow others to impinge on your self care time or to indulge in people pleasing.

You understand that it’s okay to disappoint people, you don’t need to drop everything to do someone else’s bidding. Your nos are more affirmative and you yeses more heartfelt. When you say to something that you really want to do everyone benefits. When you say yes begrudgingly it affects your mood and those around you and your ability to perform the task.

If this is something you want more of in your life then you need The Self Care Revolution. Join the revolution here.

Health and Wellbeing, Self care, Self love

Do you have a side to you that no one see?

Do you have a side to you that no one sees?

Do you have a side to you that no one sees? Until they do and then it surprises them?
 
That phrase “still waters run deep” has always bugged me because in many ways it’s true.
 
While I like to think I am transparent that what you see is what you get it isn’t. On the surface I appear a calm, confident, quiet, wouldn’t say boo to a goose person. (I like clichés!)
 
But I have a rebellious streak that’s like an iron rod through my core. It is an integral part of who I am and makes me not just stubborn but often unable to toe the line, to do what others easily do, to follow someone else’s advice without question trusting that it will work for me as it has for them. I have a profound urge to understand the why, what and how and until I do I remain resolute in not taking that first step.
 
As a child I was fearful but also curious. Brought up a Catholic we were warned against stepping inside the Protestant church; told that if we did we would be struck down by lightning or worse. That the Lord would be very displeased with us. I needed to find out what was inside that church. It was set away from the main town with a graveyard around it, a stone arch at its entrance. There were trees on either side of the path up to the church door which lent themselves well to hiding a little girl while she staked out the place, took note of any comings and goings, service times and from the newsletter pinned to the outside notice board any funerals that might be taking place.
 
One sunny afternoon when all was clear, I stepped out from behind my tree and walked tentatively towards the always open front door. I knew there was no one in there and from my observations that no one was likely to arrive in the next half hour or so. I gathered all my strength and courage and stepped over the threshold into the forbidden church.
 
It was beautiful. Smaller than our church, but older with arches and pillars, two separate naves with unfamiliar statues. The sun shone through the stained-glass windows creating a myriad of jewel like patterns on the floor. I was mesmerised. And strangely felt far safer here than I did in my own huge, cold mausoleum of a church where the rules and regulations sought to stifle my spirt.
 
For a year or two before we moved to another town, this small forbidden church became a refuge for me. A place I would come to be alone, to sit and think or admire the everchanging patterns on the floor, for even on dull days the sun still shone through those coloured windows.
 
I never understood why we were not allowed in that church so was always cautious against getting caught. Maybe someone else knew that I snuck in there as a little girl, not to pray but to let my imagination run riot, to escape the noise of siblings and friends, and sometimes to read but always alert in case someone might find me there. I was afraid but I followed my heart and found peace.
Health and Wellbeing, Self care, Self love

Escape or Self Care?

Escape or Self Care?

Escape or self care?

Is that glass of wine or bar of chocolate you are having when you finish work and chores for the day really self care or is it escape?

 

A way of escaping or drowning out the thoughts or emotions that are popping up. The should haves, could haves, would haves that just serve to make you feel worse about yourself and your perceived lack of achievements?

 

Do you tell yourself you deserve it while at the back of your mind you know it’s doing more harm than good?

Indulgence isn’t always self care!

 

Just because the media or your friends tell you that you need a glass of wine, chocolate, ice cream cake, a long bath, a manicure  to help you unwind, that you need to care for you doesn’t mean these things are right for you. They may be good, fun enjoyable occasionally but then they become habits that don’t sustain you but harm you. You can become reliant on them as a fix, a crutch, a way of avoiding the emotions and mess that confronting what is really going on for  you will bring up.

 

But aren’t you tired of feeling like this? Of having one more glass of wine, one more bath and nothing seems to change, to shift, to get better?
 

It doesn’t have to be like this!

 

Are you ready to break free?

 

To redefine what self care looks like for you?

True self care!

 

Self care that leaves you feeling nurtured, loved and replenished?

Are you ready for The Self Care Revolution?

.

Health and Wellbeing, Self care, Self love

It’s not about willpower!

It's not about willpower!

Not being able to the diet or going to the gym regularly, or whatever the thing is you have promised yourself you will do or start again on Monday, has nothing to with willpower or lack of willpower.

 

You don’t do or stick to these things because you don’t really enjoy them, or you’re doing them for someone else’s approval, or to make you feel better amongst others.

When you find the diet that suits your body, allows you to eat foods you enjoy and bring you the health benefits you need then you will find it easier to stick to.

It’s the same with exercise, when you find the exercise that your body and your time in life and that gives you a buzz then you will do it naturally. You won’t need incentives or persuasion to do so.

Because ultimately having good relationships with food and exercise is all about self care.

And good self care is about really knowing yourself and understanding on the deepest level what works for you.

So if you’re stuck in the on/off the diet or exercise cycle maybe what you need is an overhaul of your self care.

You need The Self Care Revolution!

A free two part masterclass to help you understand yourself and what real self care looks like for you.

Good self care does not involve willpower, because when you have it in place lovingly look after yourself automatically.

Come and join the revolution

Change, Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, Meditation, Reiki, Self care, Self love

You are the only one who can validate how you feel!

You are the only one that can validate your feelings.

After yoga, this morning there was a conversation about emotions and what to do when someone invalidates how you feel.
 
For years, I found expressing my emotions very difficult because I was always either shut down or told I was being irrational or over sensitive. So I got to a point where I not only failed to express my emotions, I didn’t even acknowledge them. I would just stuff them down, tell myself everything would sort itself out or that I was resilient and would get through this.
 
Then I was introduced to Louise Hay and her affirmation “this too will pass” became one of my favourites. It was useful for enabling me to deal with life when things were hard but in some ways it also gave me carte blanche to ignore my feelings as they too would pass.
 
The trouble with ignoring your feelings is that you then end up anxious, depressed, stressed, resentful or angry or a combination of these. When this happens you may have the occasional meltdown because those feelings will erupt when you least expect it. This is when those around are most likely to invalidate your feelings, telling you that you are overreacting which you well may be because the eruption can be caused by the smallest of things which acts as a touch light and opens the flood gate to all the repressed emotions.
 
A good self care routine allows you the space and freedom to feel, express and validate your own emotions. You don’t need anyone else telling you how you should feel or dismissing your feelings, they’re not in your body living your life so they can’t possibly know how you feel. You are the only one who can validate how you feel.
 
The women in my free group are working with the affirmation “I allow myself to unapologetically feel all of my feelings” this week. When life gets busy it can be easy to just push something down and get on with the tasks in front of you but when you practise good self care you leave yourself time in your day to feel and process those feelings.
 
If you haven’t got a good self care routine or don’t know how to implement one I have a free guide to help you. Link here.
 
Or if you would like to join the women in my group working on building their confidence through implementing good self care you’ll find the link for that here.
Change, Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, Reiki, Self love

Boundaries

Boundaries

For years, I had no boundaries. I didn’t even know or understand what they were. Even the few I did mange to unknowingly put in were usually trampled all over.

 

This was mostly because I didn’t see my time or me as a worthwhile or valuable. I put myself and my needs to the bottom of the pile so frequently that I couldn’t actually remember any of the things I used to enjoy doing just for me.

This was highlighted at the height of my depression when the counsellor I was seeing asked me what I liked to do with my free time. At that point in my life, with three young children and a house to run free time was scarce and when I did have some I usually spent it catching up on household chores. I couldn’t answer the question because It had been so long since I’d actually taken time just for me, to do the things that I loved to do that I’d forgotten what they were.

So I made a commitment that day to schedule some time for me. So two mornings a week, once I’d dropped the children to school, I went to a yoga class. On the other three weekday mornings, I decided to either sit and read or to write. I was an avid bookworm as a child and young adult but had let it slip in favour of watching TV because it was easier and somehow my ex thought he was getting my attention if I was watching a program with him rather than sat reading. My writing initially started as journaling but then veered towards poetry. I have written poetry for as long I can remember but again in the busyness of life had let it slip.

It took being diagnosed with severe clinical depression and a nudge from my counsellor to make me start looking at me and the things I needed to do for my own well being. Once I started though, I realised how much I missed doing those things, how good it felt to do something just for me. The side effects were even better! I began to feel more confident, my self-worth and value increased exponentially and I began to put boundaries in, at first just around my “me time” but they naturally began to extend to the rest of my life.

Change, Health and Wellbeing, Self love, Uncategorized

How do you talk to yourself?

How do you talk to yourself?

Last night, the bunny got a little impatient with me as I prepared his hay, water and bed time toys and in his excitement he bit me drawing blood. I swore from shock and pain. Rabbits have sharp teeth!I

t hurt a lot, but I know he didn’t mean to hurt me. He had seen me take his treat ball from the shelf and fill it up. It is one of his favourite toys. His excitement was palpable. He just couldn’t wait so tried to get it out my hand and I got bitten in the process.

I watched him chase it around for a few minutes while I cleaned up my hand and my thoughts turned to the times when I would have berated myself for not being quick enough. I would have yelled ay myself internally for swearing at the rabbit when he didn’t do it on purpose. Told myself I didn’t deserve his love and adoration because me swearing in pain could have made him think  I was angry at him.

So much has changed, I was able to see it from his perspective, to give myself the time to clean up and connect to Reiki to help ease the pain.

In times past, I would have gone to bed upset and angry at myself. Instead, I gave myself the time I needed to recover from the shock and thanked him as we had our goodnight cuddles for reminding me of how far I have come and how good life is, particularly as I get to share it with him!

Change, Health and Wellbeing, Self love

Have you checked in with yourself today?

Have you checked in with yourself today?

Have you checked in with yourself today?

Checked how you feel emotionally, mentally, physically?

What feels good for you today?

What can you do to change what doesn’t feel good?

When you take the time to listen to yourself, to treat yourself with kindness and compassion and allow yourself to give yourself what you need you are

contributing to your self-worth and self esteem

 

because you are telling yourself that you matter to YOU.

 

So if you haven’t done so already today, take a moment or too to ask yourself how you are feeling, and what you need to do to take care of yourself today.

Your future self will thank you.