Change, Health and Wellbeing, Self love, Uncategorized

How do you talk to yourself?

How do you talk to yourself?

Last night, the bunny got a little impatient with me as I prepared his hay, water and bed time toys and in his excitement he bit me drawing blood. I swore from shock and pain. Rabbits have sharp teeth!I

t hurt a lot, but I know he didn’t mean to hurt me. He had seen me take his treat ball from the shelf and fill it up. It is one of his favourite toys. His excitement was palpable. He just couldn’t wait so tried to get it out my hand and I got bitten in the process.

I watched him chase it around for a few minutes while I cleaned up my hand and my thoughts turned to the times when I would have berated myself for not being quick enough. I would have yelled ay myself internally for swearing at the rabbit when he didn’t do it on purpose. Told myself I didn’t deserve his love and adoration because me swearing in pain could have made him think  I was angry at him.

So much has changed, I was able to see it from his perspective, to give myself the time to clean up and connect to Reiki to help ease the pain.

In times past, I would have gone to bed upset and angry at myself. Instead, I gave myself the time I needed to recover from the shock and thanked him as we had our goodnight cuddles for reminding me of how far I have come and how good life is, particularly as I get to share it with him!

Change, Health and Wellbeing, Self love, Uncategorized

Are you kind to yourself?

Are you kind to yourself?

There was a time when a compliment would have me wanting to crawl under the nearest bush or have a hole open up in the floor and swallow me. I couldn’t bear anyone saying nice things to or about me.
 
My headspace was taken up with criticising and judging myself, there was no room for compliments. I was so down on myself I couldn’t allow myself to hear or see anything good in me. I was not opening to receiving help, love or kindness.
 
I couldn’t even be kind to myself. Whenever I came across anything that asked me what my strengths, skills or talents were my answer was automatically, “I have none.” However, if you’d asked me about weakness, I’d have been able to list millions as that was all I ever saw.
 
Hitting rock bottom was what changed that for me. I realised I couldn’t go on like that anymore, that I couldn’t keep hating myself. My children needed me, and they loved me and told me so frequently. I never let on to them how awful I felt about myself and always encouraged them to be kind to themselves, to see their gifts and to explore new things.
 
Life had been so busy, working, children, housework that I had forgotten how to take care of me. I was constantly giving and not allowing myself to receive. I started with joining a yoga class and walking more, just giving myself time to do something that was just for me.
 
It wasn’t easy at first, and I found myself having to justify the cost of the yoga even to myself. Now I do yoga three times a week and I don’t even think about the cost. I value myself enough to give myself what I need to keep me healthy, physically, mentally and emotionally.
 
If you relate to this and are feeling “oh, this is me” then I have a free guide to help you implement your self care routine. You can grab it here.
Change, Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, New Year, Uncategorized

Where are you abandoning yourself?

Where have you abandoned yourself?

This is the question that popped into my mind this morning as I sat to meditate.
 
My initial reaction was “What? I’ve never abandoned myself!”
 
But on journaling and further reflection, I realised I have abandoned myself time and time again.
 
Every time I’ve allowed myself to sink into a depressive state.
 
Every time I’ve allowed myself to get caught up in anxiety and spiral into a panic attack.
 
Every time I ‘ve suppressed my emotions with food, drink, exercise or sleep.
 
Every time I failed to voice my needs or my boundaries.
 
I’ve abandoned myself by not acknowledging my feelings, by ignoring the bodily sensations that gave rise to them, by not giving myself the time, space or opportunity to process them.
 
𝗗𝗼 𝗜 𝗯𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝘂𝗽 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀? 𝗡𝗢!
 
I recognise when I’m doing it, or about to do it and pre-empt it, by taking a moment and allowing myself time to check in with my feelings and needs. It has become easier with practice.
 
Growing up, I wasn’t taught how to be there for myself. I’ve always known how to be there for others, to put them first because is what I learned to do.
 
I wasn’t taught to take care of me because those responsible for my care as a child and adolescent hadn’t been taught it either.
 
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻’𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿.
 
So where are abandoning yourself?
 
If you want to change that and learn how to take care of yourself understanding how you deal with change, what motivates you to make changes and what you do that holds you back from making the changes you want, is crucial.
 
We will be working on this in my free workshop on the 5th January.  Join here.
Change, Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, New Year, Uncategorized, Workshop

Are you making resolutions for 2023?

Are you making changes in 2023?

As we say hello to a new calendar year many of you may feel the desire to change things up, to set new goals or resolutions.
 
You don’t have to, obviously.
 
It might be a good time for you to make adjustments to your habits, to learn new skills, embark on new hobbies or make other plans.
 
For some of you spring might be the best time, when the days are getting longer and things seem more hopeful.
 
For others, the start of the academic year can be when you find it best to set new things in action.
 
Do you actually know when your “best” time is?
 
Do you understand how you deal with change?
 
If you don’t know or understand your attitude to, and beliefs and thoughts around, change you are most likely not setting yourself up for success.
 
This goes hand in hand with understanding what motivates the change you want, the fears and beliefs around that.
 
You also need to understand the things you do that work against you making the change.
 
When you know these things about yourself then you are better prepared to take the first steps.
 
Change is easier to achieve when you take it one small step at time and build on each step, when you set realistic time frames you are setting yourself up for success.
 
Whether you are making changes now or later in the year, my free workshop will help, you understand yourself and change better so that whenever you decide to make the changes in your life that you want you are giving yourself the best chance at success. Link to join here.
Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, Uncategorized

What does change have to do with confidence?

What does change have to do with confidence?

Uncategorized

Are you thinking about New Year’s Resolutions?

Are you thinking about New Year's resolutions? If you are I can help you make the right ones and stick to them. Read to find out more.

I am still buzzing from the debate we had yesterday in Kate Hogan‘s RCC Speakers Club about New Year’s Resolutions. 
 
I was charged with defending them and saying they are a good thing – the truth is I haven’t set a New Year’s Resolution in years, mainly because I find January and February to be absolutely miserable months. It’s cold, wet and dark and all I want to do when not working is curl up on the sofa with a good book, or occasionally Netflix, and the cat so making a resolution to lose weight or do more exercise or indeed anything else, is just not going to work for me.
 
The thing with NY resolutions is that they leave you feeling virtuous for the few days you stick to them and then the commitment wanes and you start to beat yourself up about not being able to stick to them.
 
And this is usually because you set about making changes without truly understanding why you want to make those changes or how you deal with change in your life. When you have a clear understanding of the motivation behind the changes and know how you deal with change and the tools you have to help you through those changes then you stand the best chance of actually achieving what you set out to.
 
I am running a free workshop on Thursday 5th January at 7:30pm to help you work how you deal with change and to support yourself through any changes you wish make as we enter a new calendar year. There will be a free workbook to go along with the workshop. Sign up link here!
Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, Spirituality, Uncategorized

𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙞𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙙𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙗𝙮 𝙮𝙤𝙪, 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙨, 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙨.

𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙞𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙙𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙗𝙮 𝙮𝙤𝙪, 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙨, 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙨.

Last night I settled down on the sofa with a cup a tea, cat on my knee and Netflix. I don’t normally watch TV during term time as it’s so easy to get sucked into watching just one more episode and staying up way too late and being exhausted the following day. As a consequence I am usually way behind current trends, so forgive me! 

“YOU” was the series that popped up first and having watched the first two series I thought I’d give it a go. It is dark and hopefully, not lifelike!

I kept being drawn to the fact that Joe, one of the main characters, talked to his son about how he was a different person now, he was trying to be good, to be the best husband and father he could and the changes he’d made or was trying to make were for his son.

And, this my friends, is where Joe is going wrong!

We can’t make lasting changes if we’re making them for others. We feel too much external pressure to be or do something for someone else, the motivation wanes, we feel a greater sense of failure when we don’t achieve what we set out to do. That sets us back and causes resentment.

Real change can only come about when it is driven by you, your needs, wants and desires.

If you are not sure who or what is driving the changes you are trying to make in your life then my book will help you work that out. Link here.

 

Body Image, Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, Uncategorized

You are Unique!

Just as each and every snowflake is unique...

I don’t like snow vey much but…
 
I absolutely love the idea that when viewed under a microscope every single snowflake has its own unique and beautiful pattern.
 
Pretty much like humans…
each and everyone of us is unique
not just our physique
but we each have our own individual set of skills and talents.
 
You can’t compare two snowflakes and say one is more beautiful than another
 
(especially as we can’t see them without a microscope!)
 
So why do that to yourself?
 
YOU are unique,
 
YOU are beautiful just they way you are.
 
Confidence comes from recognising your individuality and letting go of comparisons because there is and never will another person just like YOU.💕💜💕
Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, Uncategorized

Repetition is powerful!

Repetition is powerful

Which is why so many coaches/therapists/mentors go on about using affirmations to reprogram your subconscious and change how you see, and feel about, yourself.

But you can be resistant to affirmations, the power of your own thoughts and beliefs can overrule them without you even realising this is what you are doing.

Because you don’t recognise or understand your thought patterns or beliefs.

Maybe you’ve never really sat with them, examined them and sought out their roots.

You are trying to change your life without understanding what got you here.

Without understanding what perpetuates the cycle.

𝗝𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁!

It may well seem like you’re going round in circles when you first start.

But if you stay with it, continue, you will begin to see the patterns in the thoughts and the beliefs that you hold that hold you where you are in life.

How you talk to yourself is integral to how you live your life, how you express yourself and the things you do or don’t do. 

But you often don’t see or understand how you talk to yourself as it is so familiar and your “norm” and repetitive!

Writing down your innermost thoughts gives you a completely different perspective and highlights where you are sabotaging yourself.

Once you identify those thoughts and beliefs you can work on changing them to ones that support you.

This is where the affirmations can come in and where that repetition will have the most power because you know what you are trying to change, you understand what is not serving you and you are ready for the changes.  You are using repetition to address old repetitive patterns and can target them specifically.

Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, Spirituality, Uncategorized

Want to know how you can you change how you feel with just THREE WORDS?

Want to know how you can change the way you feel with Three Words?

So you don’t journal.

 

𝗜𝗻 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴!

 

So why would you want to start?

And write pages every day!

Well you don’t have to write pages.

In fact you can achieve insights with only a few words.

A few weeks ago I was invited to share an exercise at a wellness hub. I only had 15 minutes to showcase what I do and impart my wisdom to the participants.

Some of them had never used a journal before.

We didn’t have time to talk about how to start or what to write so I took them on a short guided meditation to get them into a space of calm and clarity

 

then I asked them to think of an expereince over the last few days that had caused them to feel sad, angry upset or any other difficult emotion

 

then we wrote

 

𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒

 

yes you read that right!

 

𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 that came to them when they allowed themselves to feel into that emotion

 

whatever three words popped into the heads, no overthinking or analysing.

Once they had their three words, I took them back into meditation where we released the emotions,

 

we visualised letting go,

 

we used the paper we had written on

 

some visualised it burning

 

some scrunched and tore it up

 

some were able to just allow the words to float away

 

others imagined erasing the words.

Then we wrote a single sentence to describe how we felt about the situation now.

I had so many come up to me at end of the session to say how empowering it was to let go of those emotions and that they hadn’t realised they’d held onto them.

 

One person told me that she realised that the experience she had used during the exercise had unconsciously triggered emotions from past experiences that had nothing to do with her life now but she that she was obviously still holding onto them.
 

All from 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 and a sentence.

So you don’t need to be a writer to use a journal.

You just need to know how to use your journal as tool of enquiry.