Change, Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, Meditation, Reiki, Self care, Self love

You are the only one who can validate how you feel!

You are the only one that can validate your feelings.

After yoga, this morning there was a conversation about emotions and what to do when someone invalidates how you feel.
 
For years, I found expressing my emotions very difficult because I was always either shut down or told I was being irrational or over sensitive. So I got to a point where I not only failed to express my emotions, I didn’t even acknowledge them. I would just stuff them down, tell myself everything would sort itself out or that I was resilient and would get through this.
 
Then I was introduced to Louise Hay and her affirmation “this too will pass” became one of my favourites. It was useful for enabling me to deal with life when things were hard but in some ways it also gave me carte blanche to ignore my feelings as they too would pass.
 
The trouble with ignoring your feelings is that you then end up anxious, depressed, stressed, resentful or angry or a combination of these. When this happens you may have the occasional meltdown because those feelings will erupt when you least expect it. This is when those around are most likely to invalidate your feelings, telling you that you are overreacting which you well may be because the eruption can be caused by the smallest of things which acts as a touch light and opens the flood gate to all the repressed emotions.
 
A good self care routine allows you the space and freedom to feel, express and validate your own emotions. You don’t need anyone else telling you how you should feel or dismissing your feelings, they’re not in your body living your life so they can’t possibly know how you feel. You are the only one who can validate how you feel.
 
The women in my free group are working with the affirmation “I allow myself to unapologetically feel all of my feelings” this week. When life gets busy it can be easy to just push something down and get on with the tasks in front of you but when you practise good self care you leave yourself time in your day to feel and process those feelings.
 
If you haven’t got a good self care routine or don’t know how to implement one I have a free guide to help you. Link here.
 
Or if you would like to join the women in my group working on building their confidence through implementing good self care you’ll find the link for that here.
Change, Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, Reiki, Self love

Boundaries

Boundaries

For years, I had no boundaries. I didn’t even know or understand what they were. Even the few I did mange to unknowingly put in were usually trampled all over.

 

This was mostly because I didn’t see my time or me as a worthwhile or valuable. I put myself and my needs to the bottom of the pile so frequently that I couldn’t actually remember any of the things I used to enjoy doing just for me.

This was highlighted at the height of my depression when the counsellor I was seeing asked me what I liked to do with my free time. At that point in my life, with three young children and a house to run free time was scarce and when I did have some I usually spent it catching up on household chores. I couldn’t answer the question because It had been so long since I’d actually taken time just for me, to do the things that I loved to do that I’d forgotten what they were.

So I made a commitment that day to schedule some time for me. So two mornings a week, once I’d dropped the children to school, I went to a yoga class. On the other three weekday mornings, I decided to either sit and read or to write. I was an avid bookworm as a child and young adult but had let it slip in favour of watching TV because it was easier and somehow my ex thought he was getting my attention if I was watching a program with him rather than sat reading. My writing initially started as journaling but then veered towards poetry. I have written poetry for as long I can remember but again in the busyness of life had let it slip.

It took being diagnosed with severe clinical depression and a nudge from my counsellor to make me start looking at me and the things I needed to do for my own well being. Once I started though, I realised how much I missed doing those things, how good it felt to do something just for me. The side effects were even better! I began to feel more confident, my self-worth and value increased exponentially and I began to put boundaries in, at first just around my “me time” but they naturally began to extend to the rest of my life.

Change, Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, New Year, Uncategorized

Where are you abandoning yourself?

Where have you abandoned yourself?

This is the question that popped into my mind this morning as I sat to meditate.
 
My initial reaction was “What? I’ve never abandoned myself!”
 
But on journaling and further reflection, I realised I have abandoned myself time and time again.
 
Every time I’ve allowed myself to sink into a depressive state.
 
Every time I’ve allowed myself to get caught up in anxiety and spiral into a panic attack.
 
Every time I ‘ve suppressed my emotions with food, drink, exercise or sleep.
 
Every time I failed to voice my needs or my boundaries.
 
I’ve abandoned myself by not acknowledging my feelings, by ignoring the bodily sensations that gave rise to them, by not giving myself the time, space or opportunity to process them.
 
𝗗𝗼 𝗜 𝗯𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝘂𝗽 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀? 𝗡𝗢!
 
I recognise when I’m doing it, or about to do it and pre-empt it, by taking a moment and allowing myself time to check in with my feelings and needs. It has become easier with practice.
 
Growing up, I wasn’t taught how to be there for myself. I’ve always known how to be there for others, to put them first because is what I learned to do.
 
I wasn’t taught to take care of me because those responsible for my care as a child and adolescent hadn’t been taught it either.
 
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻’𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿.
 
So where are abandoning yourself?
 
If you want to change that and learn how to take care of yourself understanding how you deal with change, what motivates you to make changes and what you do that holds you back from making the changes you want, is crucial.
 
We will be working on this in my free workshop on the 5th January.  Join here.
Change, Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, New Year, Uncategorized, Workshop

Are you making resolutions for 2023?

Are you making changes in 2023?

As we say hello to a new calendar year many of you may feel the desire to change things up, to set new goals or resolutions.
 
You don’t have to, obviously.
 
It might be a good time for you to make adjustments to your habits, to learn new skills, embark on new hobbies or make other plans.
 
For some of you spring might be the best time, when the days are getting longer and things seem more hopeful.
 
For others, the start of the academic year can be when you find it best to set new things in action.
 
Do you actually know when your “best” time is?
 
Do you understand how you deal with change?
 
If you don’t know or understand your attitude to, and beliefs and thoughts around, change you are most likely not setting yourself up for success.
 
This goes hand in hand with understanding what motivates the change you want, the fears and beliefs around that.
 
You also need to understand the things you do that work against you making the change.
 
When you know these things about yourself then you are better prepared to take the first steps.
 
Change is easier to achieve when you take it one small step at time and build on each step, when you set realistic time frames you are setting yourself up for success.
 
Whether you are making changes now or later in the year, my free workshop will help, you understand yourself and change better so that whenever you decide to make the changes in your life that you want you are giving yourself the best chance at success. Link to join here.
Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, Uncategorized

What does change have to do with confidence?

What does change have to do with confidence?

Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, Spirituality, Uncategorized

𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙞𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙙𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙗𝙮 𝙮𝙤𝙪, 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙨, 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙨.

𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙞𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙙𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙗𝙮 𝙮𝙤𝙪, 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙨, 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙨.

Last night I settled down on the sofa with a cup a tea, cat on my knee and Netflix. I don’t normally watch TV during term time as it’s so easy to get sucked into watching just one more episode and staying up way too late and being exhausted the following day. As a consequence I am usually way behind current trends, so forgive me! 

“YOU” was the series that popped up first and having watched the first two series I thought I’d give it a go. It is dark and hopefully, not lifelike!

I kept being drawn to the fact that Joe, one of the main characters, talked to his son about how he was a different person now, he was trying to be good, to be the best husband and father he could and the changes he’d made or was trying to make were for his son.

And, this my friends, is where Joe is going wrong!

We can’t make lasting changes if we’re making them for others. We feel too much external pressure to be or do something for someone else, the motivation wanes, we feel a greater sense of failure when we don’t achieve what we set out to do. That sets us back and causes resentment.

Real change can only come about when it is driven by you, your needs, wants and desires.

If you are not sure who or what is driving the changes you are trying to make in your life then my book will help you work that out. Link here.

 

Body Image, Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, Uncategorized

You are Unique!

Just as each and every snowflake is unique...

I don’t like snow vey much but…
 
I absolutely love the idea that when viewed under a microscope every single snowflake has its own unique and beautiful pattern.
 
Pretty much like humans…
each and everyone of us is unique
not just our physique
but we each have our own individual set of skills and talents.
 
You can’t compare two snowflakes and say one is more beautiful than another
 
(especially as we can’t see them without a microscope!)
 
So why do that to yourself?
 
YOU are unique,
 
YOU are beautiful just they way you are.
 
Confidence comes from recognising your individuality and letting go of comparisons because there is and never will another person just like YOU.💕💜💕
Health and Wellbeing, Journaling

FIFTEEN minutes and THREE words!

𝙁𝙄𝙁𝙏𝙀𝙀𝙉 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙪𝙩𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙏𝙃𝙍𝙀𝙀 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨!

 

That’s all it took!

Well that and a final sentence, but those three words were instrumental!

I wrote last week about how I was invited to a share some of my work at a Wellness Hub where there were lots of other practitioners of different healing modalities. None had really used a journal in the way I have developed before so I took them through a FIFTEEN MINUTE exercise which involved remembering an incident that had triggered difficult emotions for them.

They then wrote THREE WORDS related to those emotions, and I took them through a guided meditation/visualisation to release those emotions.

 

And they finished by writing a sentence to describe how they felt about the situation now.

 

I had so many come up to me at end of the session to say how empowering it was to let go of those emotions and that they hadn’t realised they’d held onto them.

 

One person told me that she realised that the experience she had used during the exercise had unconsciously triggered emotions from past experiences that had nothing to do with her life now but she that she was obviously still holding onto them.

 

𝘈𝘴 𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘭𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘹𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘶𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘯𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵-𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘭𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮.


The first series will be in person and local to me but I am considering running them as online courses.

 

STAY TUNED for more info!
 

 

Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, Uncategorized

Repetition is powerful!

Repetition is powerful

Which is why so many coaches/therapists/mentors go on about using affirmations to reprogram your subconscious and change how you see, and feel about, yourself.

But you can be resistant to affirmations, the power of your own thoughts and beliefs can overrule them without you even realising this is what you are doing.

Because you don’t recognise or understand your thought patterns or beliefs.

Maybe you’ve never really sat with them, examined them and sought out their roots.

You are trying to change your life without understanding what got you here.

Without understanding what perpetuates the cycle.

𝗝𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁!

It may well seem like you’re going round in circles when you first start.

But if you stay with it, continue, you will begin to see the patterns in the thoughts and the beliefs that you hold that hold you where you are in life.

How you talk to yourself is integral to how you live your life, how you express yourself and the things you do or don’t do. 

But you often don’t see or understand how you talk to yourself as it is so familiar and your “norm” and repetitive!

Writing down your innermost thoughts gives you a completely different perspective and highlights where you are sabotaging yourself.

Once you identify those thoughts and beliefs you can work on changing them to ones that support you.

This is where the affirmations can come in and where that repetition will have the most power because you know what you are trying to change, you understand what is not serving you and you are ready for the changes.  You are using repetition to address old repetitive patterns and can target them specifically.

Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, Spirituality, Uncategorized

Want to know how you can you change how you feel with just THREE WORDS?

Want to know how you can change the way you feel with Three Words?

So you don’t journal.

 

𝗜𝗻 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴!

 

So why would you want to start?

And write pages every day!

Well you don’t have to write pages.

In fact you can achieve insights with only a few words.

A few weeks ago I was invited to share an exercise at a wellness hub. I only had 15 minutes to showcase what I do and impart my wisdom to the participants.

Some of them had never used a journal before.

We didn’t have time to talk about how to start or what to write so I took them on a short guided meditation to get them into a space of calm and clarity

 

then I asked them to think of an expereince over the last few days that had caused them to feel sad, angry upset or any other difficult emotion

 

then we wrote

 

𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒

 

yes you read that right!

 

𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 that came to them when they allowed themselves to feel into that emotion

 

whatever three words popped into the heads, no overthinking or analysing.

Once they had their three words, I took them back into meditation where we released the emotions,

 

we visualised letting go,

 

we used the paper we had written on

 

some visualised it burning

 

some scrunched and tore it up

 

some were able to just allow the words to float away

 

others imagined erasing the words.

Then we wrote a single sentence to describe how we felt about the situation now.

I had so many come up to me at end of the session to say how empowering it was to let go of those emotions and that they hadn’t realised they’d held onto them.

 

One person told me that she realised that the experience she had used during the exercise had unconsciously triggered emotions from past experiences that had nothing to do with her life now but she that she was obviously still holding onto them.
 

All from 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 and a sentence.

So you don’t need to be a writer to use a journal.

You just need to know how to use your journal as tool of enquiry.