Change, Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, Meditation, Reiki, Self care, Self love

You are the only one who can validate how you feel!

You are the only one that can validate your feelings.

After yoga, this morning there was a conversation about emotions and what to do when someone invalidates how you feel.
 
For years, I found expressing my emotions very difficult because I was always either shut down or told I was being irrational or over sensitive. So I got to a point where I not only failed to express my emotions, I didn’t even acknowledge them. I would just stuff them down, tell myself everything would sort itself out or that I was resilient and would get through this.
 
Then I was introduced to Louise Hay and her affirmation “this too will pass” became one of my favourites. It was useful for enabling me to deal with life when things were hard but in some ways it also gave me carte blanche to ignore my feelings as they too would pass.
 
The trouble with ignoring your feelings is that you then end up anxious, depressed, stressed, resentful or angry or a combination of these. When this happens you may have the occasional meltdown because those feelings will erupt when you least expect it. This is when those around are most likely to invalidate your feelings, telling you that you are overreacting which you well may be because the eruption can be caused by the smallest of things which acts as a touch light and opens the flood gate to all the repressed emotions.
 
A good self care routine allows you the space and freedom to feel, express and validate your own emotions. You don’t need anyone else telling you how you should feel or dismissing your feelings, they’re not in your body living your life so they can’t possibly know how you feel. You are the only one who can validate how you feel.
 
The women in my free group are working with the affirmation “I allow myself to unapologetically feel all of my feelings” this week. When life gets busy it can be easy to just push something down and get on with the tasks in front of you but when you practise good self care you leave yourself time in your day to feel and process those feelings.
 
If you haven’t got a good self care routine or don’t know how to implement one I have a free guide to help you. Link here.
 
Or if you would like to join the women in my group working on building their confidence through implementing good self care you’ll find the link for that here.
Change, Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, Reiki, Self love

Boundaries

Boundaries

For years, I had no boundaries. I didn’t even know or understand what they were. Even the few I did mange to unknowingly put in were usually trampled all over.

 

This was mostly because I didn’t see my time or me as a worthwhile or valuable. I put myself and my needs to the bottom of the pile so frequently that I couldn’t actually remember any of the things I used to enjoy doing just for me.

This was highlighted at the height of my depression when the counsellor I was seeing asked me what I liked to do with my free time. At that point in my life, with three young children and a house to run free time was scarce and when I did have some I usually spent it catching up on household chores. I couldn’t answer the question because It had been so long since I’d actually taken time just for me, to do the things that I loved to do that I’d forgotten what they were.

So I made a commitment that day to schedule some time for me. So two mornings a week, once I’d dropped the children to school, I went to a yoga class. On the other three weekday mornings, I decided to either sit and read or to write. I was an avid bookworm as a child and young adult but had let it slip in favour of watching TV because it was easier and somehow my ex thought he was getting my attention if I was watching a program with him rather than sat reading. My writing initially started as journaling but then veered towards poetry. I have written poetry for as long I can remember but again in the busyness of life had let it slip.

It took being diagnosed with severe clinical depression and a nudge from my counsellor to make me start looking at me and the things I needed to do for my own well being. Once I started though, I realised how much I missed doing those things, how good it felt to do something just for me. The side effects were even better! I began to feel more confident, my self-worth and value increased exponentially and I began to put boundaries in, at first just around my “me time” but they naturally began to extend to the rest of my life.

Change, Health and Wellbeing, Self love, Uncategorized

How do you talk to yourself?

How do you talk to yourself?

Last night, the bunny got a little impatient with me as I prepared his hay, water and bed time toys and in his excitement he bit me drawing blood. I swore from shock and pain. Rabbits have sharp teeth!I

t hurt a lot, but I know he didn’t mean to hurt me. He had seen me take his treat ball from the shelf and fill it up. It is one of his favourite toys. His excitement was palpable. He just couldn’t wait so tried to get it out my hand and I got bitten in the process.

I watched him chase it around for a few minutes while I cleaned up my hand and my thoughts turned to the times when I would have berated myself for not being quick enough. I would have yelled ay myself internally for swearing at the rabbit when he didn’t do it on purpose. Told myself I didn’t deserve his love and adoration because me swearing in pain could have made him think  I was angry at him.

So much has changed, I was able to see it from his perspective, to give myself the time to clean up and connect to Reiki to help ease the pain.

In times past, I would have gone to bed upset and angry at myself. Instead, I gave myself the time I needed to recover from the shock and thanked him as we had our goodnight cuddles for reminding me of how far I have come and how good life is, particularly as I get to share it with him!

Change, Health and Wellbeing, Self love

Have you checked in with yourself today?

Have you checked in with yourself today?

Have you checked in with yourself today?

Checked how you feel emotionally, mentally, physically?

What feels good for you today?

What can you do to change what doesn’t feel good?

When you take the time to listen to yourself, to treat yourself with kindness and compassion and allow yourself to give yourself what you need you are

contributing to your self-worth and self esteem

 

because you are telling yourself that you matter to YOU.

 

So if you haven’t done so already today, take a moment or too to ask yourself how you are feeling, and what you need to do to take care of yourself today.

Your future self will thank you.

Change, Health and Wellbeing, Self love

How does your anxiety or depression serve you?

How does your anxiety or depression serve you?

A few years ago I was asked a question that shocked me to the core.

Shook me up.

Sent me into a spiral of

anxiety,

overthinking,

that actually gave me huge insights into how I was treating myself,

allowing others to treat me,

how my thought processes you doing me a huge disservice.

It was one of my turning points!

So I’m asking you the same question today:

𝙃𝙤𝙬 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙖𝙣𝙭𝙞𝙚𝙩𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙙𝙚𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪?

Like I did, you might be having a mini tantrum right now!

I mean how dare I suggest that your anxiety or depression somehow serves a purpose?

It’s not as if you actually want to feel like this all the time. In fact you probably want to be free of  all that, you want to feel happy, confident but it’s just not happening.

Once I’d got over the tantrum/spiral, I realised that my anxiety and depression DID serve a purpose.

It kept me safe.

I didn’t feel safe because anxiety!

But I was also paralysed, scared to move forward in life, sometimes too scared to even step outside the front door.

My anxiety and depression were keeping me stuck in my supposed safe zone because doing anything different seemed way too scary.

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘤𝘬.

 I could pretend I wanted change without actually making the changes because I was too anxious or depressed to do so.

Once I realised this, I was able to view my anxiety and depression in a different light, to see them not as the enemy and something I needed to fight against.

I started to listen to what they were trying to tell me, what they thought they were keeping me safe from, I learnt to use those insights to change my self talk, to expand my comfort zone.

In time, I left both anxiety and depression behind me, they are no longer a part of my life, I don’t need them any more. I listen to my intuition, to my body and allow them to guide me and keep me safe instead.

Body Image, Change, Health and Wellbeing

What would it mean for you to wake up feeling joyful?

What would it mean for you to wake up feeling joyful, excited for a new day?

Confident that you have all you need to craft the life you want?

Confidence and happiness are your birth right, your natural state  and you can find both again.

There is no magic wand or quick fix to take you there.

You can’t quantum leap from anxious, depressed, stressed to being on top of the world.

And I’d be lying if I said you could and that I could get you there overnight.

I can help get you there, if you’re prepared to do the inner work required.

You also need to be ready,

 

ready to do the work,

 

to change how you talk to and about yourself,

 

ready to see yourself through eyes of kindness and compassion.

Are you ready?

It starts with self care and implementing a good self care routine.

If you don’t know waht that should look like or even where to start I have a free guide to help you. You can grab it here.

Change, Health and Wellbeing, Self love, Uncategorized

Are you kind to yourself?

Are you kind to yourself?

There was a time when a compliment would have me wanting to crawl under the nearest bush or have a hole open up in the floor and swallow me. I couldn’t bear anyone saying nice things to or about me.
 
My headspace was taken up with criticising and judging myself, there was no room for compliments. I was so down on myself I couldn’t allow myself to hear or see anything good in me. I was not opening to receiving help, love or kindness.
 
I couldn’t even be kind to myself. Whenever I came across anything that asked me what my strengths, skills or talents were my answer was automatically, “I have none.” However, if you’d asked me about weakness, I’d have been able to list millions as that was all I ever saw.
 
Hitting rock bottom was what changed that for me. I realised I couldn’t go on like that anymore, that I couldn’t keep hating myself. My children needed me, and they loved me and told me so frequently. I never let on to them how awful I felt about myself and always encouraged them to be kind to themselves, to see their gifts and to explore new things.
 
Life had been so busy, working, children, housework that I had forgotten how to take care of me. I was constantly giving and not allowing myself to receive. I started with joining a yoga class and walking more, just giving myself time to do something that was just for me.
 
It wasn’t easy at first, and I found myself having to justify the cost of the yoga even to myself. Now I do yoga three times a week and I don’t even think about the cost. I value myself enough to give myself what I need to keep me healthy, physically, mentally and emotionally.
 
If you relate to this and are feeling “oh, this is me” then I have a free guide to help you implement your self care routine. You can grab it here.
Change, Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, New Year, Uncategorized

Where are you abandoning yourself?

Where have you abandoned yourself?

This is the question that popped into my mind this morning as I sat to meditate.
 
My initial reaction was “What? I’ve never abandoned myself!”
 
But on journaling and further reflection, I realised I have abandoned myself time and time again.
 
Every time I’ve allowed myself to sink into a depressive state.
 
Every time I’ve allowed myself to get caught up in anxiety and spiral into a panic attack.
 
Every time I ‘ve suppressed my emotions with food, drink, exercise or sleep.
 
Every time I failed to voice my needs or my boundaries.
 
I’ve abandoned myself by not acknowledging my feelings, by ignoring the bodily sensations that gave rise to them, by not giving myself the time, space or opportunity to process them.
 
𝗗𝗼 𝗜 𝗯𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝘂𝗽 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀? 𝗡𝗢!
 
I recognise when I’m doing it, or about to do it and pre-empt it, by taking a moment and allowing myself time to check in with my feelings and needs. It has become easier with practice.
 
Growing up, I wasn’t taught how to be there for myself. I’ve always known how to be there for others, to put them first because is what I learned to do.
 
I wasn’t taught to take care of me because those responsible for my care as a child and adolescent hadn’t been taught it either.
 
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻’𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿.
 
So where are abandoning yourself?
 
If you want to change that and learn how to take care of yourself understanding how you deal with change, what motivates you to make changes and what you do that holds you back from making the changes you want, is crucial.
 
We will be working on this in my free workshop on the 5th January.  Join here.
Change, Health and Wellbeing, Journaling, New Year, Uncategorized, Workshop

Are you making resolutions for 2023?

Are you making changes in 2023?

As we say hello to a new calendar year many of you may feel the desire to change things up, to set new goals or resolutions.
 
You don’t have to, obviously.
 
It might be a good time for you to make adjustments to your habits, to learn new skills, embark on new hobbies or make other plans.
 
For some of you spring might be the best time, when the days are getting longer and things seem more hopeful.
 
For others, the start of the academic year can be when you find it best to set new things in action.
 
Do you actually know when your “best” time is?
 
Do you understand how you deal with change?
 
If you don’t know or understand your attitude to, and beliefs and thoughts around, change you are most likely not setting yourself up for success.
 
This goes hand in hand with understanding what motivates the change you want, the fears and beliefs around that.
 
You also need to understand the things you do that work against you making the change.
 
When you know these things about yourself then you are better prepared to take the first steps.
 
Change is easier to achieve when you take it one small step at time and build on each step, when you set realistic time frames you are setting yourself up for success.
 
Whether you are making changes now or later in the year, my free workshop will help, you understand yourself and change better so that whenever you decide to make the changes in your life that you want you are giving yourself the best chance at success. Link to join here.