Boundaries

For years, I had no boundaries. I didn’t even know or understand what they were. Even the few I did mange to unknowingly put in were usually trampled all over.

 

This was mostly because I didn’t see my time or me as a worthwhile or valuable. I put myself and my needs to the bottom of the pile so frequently that I couldn’t actually remember any of the things I used to enjoy doing just for me.

This was highlighted at the height of my depression when the counsellor I was seeing asked me what I liked to do with my free time. At that point in my life, with three young children and a house to run free time was scarce and when I did have some I usually spent it catching up on household chores. I couldn’t answer the question because It had been so long since I’d actually taken time just for me, to do the things that I loved to do that I’d forgotten what they were.

So I made a commitment that day to schedule some time for me. So two mornings a week, once I’d dropped the children to school, I went to a yoga class. On the other three weekday mornings, I decided to either sit and read or to write. I was an avid bookworm as a child and young adult but had let it slip in favour of watching TV because it was easier and somehow my ex thought he was getting my attention if I was watching a program with him rather than sat reading. My writing initially started as journaling but then veered towards poetry. I have written poetry for as long I can remember but again in the busyness of life had let it slip.

It took being diagnosed with severe clinical depression and a nudge from my counsellor to make me start looking at me and the things I needed to do for my own well being. Once I started though, I realised how much I missed doing those things, how good it felt to do something just for me. The side effects were even better! I began to feel more confident, my self-worth and value increased exponentially and I began to put boundaries in, at first just around my “me time” but they naturally began to extend to the rest of my life.