My headspace was taken up with criticising and judging myself, there was no room for compliments. I was so down on myself I couldn’t allow myself to hear or see anything good in me. I was not opening to receiving help, love or kindness.
I couldn’t even be kind to myself. Whenever I came across anything that asked me what my strengths, skills or talents were my answer was automatically, “I have none.” However, if you’d asked me about weakness, I’d have been able to list millions as that was all I ever saw.
Hitting rock bottom was what changed that for me. I realised I couldn’t go on like that anymore, that I couldn’t keep hating myself. My children needed me, and they loved me and told me so frequently. I never let on to them how awful I felt about myself and always encouraged them to be kind to themselves, to see their gifts and to explore new things.
Life had been so busy, working, children, housework that I had forgotten how to take care of me. I was constantly giving and not allowing myself to receive. I started with joining a yoga class and walking more, just giving myself time to do something that was just for me.
It wasn’t easy at first, and I found myself having to justify the cost of the yoga even to myself. Now I do yoga three times a week and I don’t even think about the cost. I value myself enough to give myself what I need to keep me healthy, physically, mentally and emotionally.
If you relate to this and are feeling “oh, this is me” then I have a free guide to help you implement your self care routine. You can grab it here.