Ten years ago, I was a depressed anxious mess.
Struggling to get from one moment to the next.
One day I had a panic attack on the bus. I truly thought I was having a heart attack. I didn’t know what to do so I got off the bus and walked the rest of the way, my breathing getting shallower and faster, my chest constricted with pain.
I decided to go the GP. I didn’t get the reassurance I thought I would, instead the GP seemed really concerned and I was sent for a battery of tests. The results trickled in over the next few days, all fine. My heart was in robust health, for my age!
At no time did any medical person suggest a panic attack might have been the cause of my pain, it was only through googling my symptoms that it began to dawn on me that is indeed what it was.
That realisation though seemed only to make matters worse they began to be increasingly frequent, to the point I was afraid to leave the house.
I had the tools to supposedly deal with anxiety, I regularly practised yoga and meditation. But they required concentrating on the breath and trying to focus on and control my breath when I was struggling to breath just increased the feeling of panic, and made my breathing quicker, shallower, I thought I was going to pass out.
Another day on the bus, when I couldn’t get off, I decided to try Reiki. I connected to Reiki and placed my hands lightly on my knees. I began to feel the heat and tingling in my hands that I normally associate with Reiki, concentrating on this and the feel of my of the warmth of my hands on my knees allowed my breathing to return to normal and the panic subsided. I felt a sense of calmness wash over me and almost missed my stop.
Reiki had given me hope, a window into the future.